the weekend

well it started with going to town to meet rach and emma and get our hair done. W e had a trial for the wedding adnw e all looked lush afterwards. It was rachs hen party and a pamper party and meal had been planned. Well teh pamper party was fab, all 3 of us had back massages which i could have quit happily had bout 4 more of atleast, it was soo relaxing. Her mum and aunt had facials and were glowing afterwards. We all just wanted to sleep but we had a meal to get dolled up for. We went to a very nice local hotel for the meal, and the food was absolutely gorgeous. I had carrot and cumin soup, followed by lamb on creamy mash with a helping of cheesy leeks and chocolate mousse for pudding. It was filling but soo yummy.
After we had some tea we went back to the house, where bob marley was put on some dancing and games were played. We had pin teh dan on the egyptian which was something to see. Then questions and forfeits were done. Basically if rach got a qu wrong she did a forfeit but if she got it right one of us did a forfiet. Also those doing a forfeit had to wear a cleopatra wig. Oe of the forfiets which i dont think will ever be forgotten was "start every sentence with I'm wearing (nsert colour here) pants" Rachs mum ended up with that one which was just hilarious especially when things like "I'm wearing white pants and its not right" were said. It was just good fun. A quality do and one that ideas will be nicked form for emmas do no doubt and mine when i get there.
On my return home on sunday after a lovely sausage casserole at rachs, i found mum having a bit of a panic as rich and his gf had decided to join us for dinner, the dinning table had to be extended and a chair wiggled out under the table. There was also only 4 toblerone mousse to eat and five people for dinner, but that worked out in the end as one of us had birthday cake. Was a lovely meal and many tales from mine and richs childhood were recounted.
At about half nine i managed to speak to dave again, who hd sent me a free gift on facebook and a stealth message on skype. He'd missed me something chronic. I got to experience what he felt yesterday for a bit when he went to sheffield. It amazing how knowing atleast that their on/near thier pc can make them not seem so far away.
Well daves turning up 2m yays and ive got him for atleast a week and a half maybe a bit more if i go back to hatfield with him.
I think thats enough for now
xXx

Creativity

Well yesterday i just picked up a pencila and started drawing, i was bored and theres always a stack of paper on my desk for KOS (kill on sight list for WoW) and workign out how much money i don't have. Yesterday tho i was taken with an urge to draw, i didnt know what but a quick google search gave me some ideas. I drew a cute thing for dave, a teddy bear, eeyore, a rose, grr, attempted a turtle and a pic of me and dave cutsey style. Well i tried and some arent bad, and i enjoyed doing it. It was relaxing and creative, and i liked it, normally my relaxation is games or books or a walk if its nice. I've been wanting to do something creative for awhile and it was nice to find something i could do with little prep. I do occasionally try to do a bit of creative writing but that requires my mind to be in the right place and it hasn't been there for a bit.

I'm hoping i keep drawing, the sweet things i do for dave often rely on others (except the cooking i suppose) and it would be nice if one day the picture in my head that i would like to see on paper i could actually draw. Maybe one day.

Aside form that im not back at my local docs officially, im still jobless but as in my previous blog im hopeful, as my overdraft gets less more option become available, learning to drive being one. Dad has always said that he would pay for half so we're working on a buy one get one free type of scheme from my perspective. I buy a lesson and then the next ones dads to pay. Now to find a driving instructor. Least its cheaper here than it would have been at uni. I'm gonna try for a lesson a week to start with.

Other than that not much else is going on.

xXx

Hope

Well today has seen a rise in my spirits, im not feeling as hopeless as i have been. I've started writing my CV and ive just been thinking about my career path a little more positively. I know that i will be skint for like the next 5 years while i get the qualifications and experience i need but i know it will be worth it. Having had counselling myself i know that it will be worth the effort if i can go on to help people get past their problems

I get the feeling that i will be doing a fair bit of voluntary work in the next few years and its just a case of me getting to the point where i can do it and not be too worried about finances. I keep trying for part time /full time jobs in town, my latest attempt will be holland and barrats once my cv is done. My best bet is a part time job as hopefully if my interview goes well on the 24th i'll be studying counselling skills and practice part time at a local college. I'm looking forward to it as i'll finally be able to sink my teeth into the topic that i have wanted to study for ages. I love psychology and it fascinates me and counselling is another step along it.

Sometimes i wonder if i'm really cut out for counselling, most of my friends either think i'll be great at it or can definitely see me doing it. Hopefully doing the part time course will help me either decide its not right or alay my fears and make me realise my true potential. I've also been considering subscribing to a publication called Therapy Today, which as far as i've looked is one of the few dedicated to counsellors and psychotherapists. I could get that and a journal for free if i join the BACP. Either way at the moment its money i don't have but its def in the pipeline.

I've had a positive day overall and i hope it continues, i'm thinikng of starting driving lessons soonish which also makes me feel happier. I can just about get one a week depending on what i do. Its not much but its a start and thats better than nothing.

xXx

LDRs

Well they suck really, unless your an uber individual person i suppose. Im not, im a cuddly watching dvds type and its just not the same when your boyfriends 200 miles away. I can handle i just dont actually want to. One of lifes annoying necessities. Its hard to be so far apart, i mean yes we skype everyday and play WoW and guildwars together and that but you can have too much of it. Some nights we rarely say much to each other and if im feeling down it makes me less likely to say anything anyway. I feel tied to my pc just coz in a way it feels like im closer to him even if i do get bored of the internet.

This is one reason why i really want a job/course to break up the routine. Then that would be routine as well but least id be getting out more and maybe different things would happen. I know that in a year we'll try to be together atleast, don't know how successful thats gonna be though. its a long and hard road to where we want to be and i know its worth it but occasionally it gets you down and you wonder why.

I think the hardest part is when we say goodbye and i don't know when i'll see him again, least when i know i can start a countdown. Not knowing seems to make the time drag on for longer, making it harder still.

Just a reflection of whats in my thoughts at the mo, just got to keep looking to the future.

xXx

missing things

lately its sunk in what being at home is like, not that its a bad thing its just i miss being at uni and being independent. Its nice seeing mum and dad and that but i think since ive had a taste of independence i want it more now, i kinda like having a place to call my own and strangly enough i like doing household things. It adds some routine to my day, at uni i was always thinking - well after this lecture ill have to go home take the laundry out and do the dishes before dinner etc etc. Now at home im thinking - what game shall i play or what dvd to watch. i do still have laundry to worry about but not as often now.

I miss psifa loads as well, all the guys just playing magic the gathering or whatever and sharing foods and having a laugh and watching films and what we've found on youtube. Uni had its up and downs but i really enjoyed it and its sad to know that ill only be a visitor from now on, atleast at hertfordshire.

Due to me being at uni for 3 years i now have to reregistar with the docs which is a pain, but if i dont do it now ill have to do it later and as i need a repeat prescription its best to do it now, even if i do have to go into town 3 times in the space of a week. That scarily enough is the highlight of the week. least it gets me out of the house.

xXx

tired

Well daves gone back to donny again and won't be back til the end of the month, i wasn't as sad as last time, i know i'll see him soon enough and i need to get used to it really. Once hes back at uni i have no idea how often i'll get to see him, im hoping i can visit once a month but that depends on having a job/money.

Still a lack of jobs going in town, and the card shop have yet to get back to me but hopefully they will. The websites the job centre aren't as helpful as i'd like, i'd be alright if i wanted to move away and could afford to but that wasn't in the plan. I am looking into more local volunteeering options but i think ive become too disconnected from here in a way. Oh well we'll just see what happens.

I'm tired mainly coz of early mornings and late nights, i live in hope of a lie in, even if it would make me feel naff. My days seem so empty and lacking of late and i wish i had more creative hobbies although there is one now i think of it that maybe i'll take up again. I'll save that for another day tho.

Roll on the end of the month when dave pops back and theres rachels wedding to look forward to. Its gonna be good even if at the mo the makeup is a lil up in the air but that can easily be sorted, at the end of the day we can always do it ourselves.

I'm currently making my way through the 6th harry potter book and hopefully 2m i will be starting the 7th book at last. My hours on WoW will probably go up this week since daves left. I could probably waffle on a lil more but im not feeling 100% at the mo.

xXx